It's broken and I'm not sure how to fix it

OK I'm here again it has been ages since I last wrote anything but that's what happens when I get busy I always tend to forget to write stuff down. Oh well no harm done really seeing how not many people read what I have written. This is just a way to get down everything I feel and it is always a great help.

OK so looking back the last blog I wrote has been kinda wrong. I am feeling myself but there is something in me that is still not write and I have no idea what that is. I mean since January I have been so down and I seem to be down more than I am up and to all the people who really know me this is totally out of character. I thought that it might be the stress of uni but I found out that I have passed my second year and the feeling has not gone away. Perhaps that has something to do with the fact that I haven't got the marks I was hopping for. Which kinda sucks as I really worked hard over them and now I'm starting to think that after 3 years of this course maybe I'm just not meant to do it any more and it hurts even more when I find out that people who have put less effort into their work seem to be getting higher marks then me. My cousin thinks I should go and talk to my tutors to see where I'm going wrong which is what I plan on doing.

I also think I'm giving up because everything I seem to do no longer works out and now I'm starting to think there is no reason to put any effort in because I already now what the out come is going to be. I mean the only real dream I have is to go and live in New Zealand when I have a couple of years experience but I can now see that perhaps that is all it's going to be a dream. People always say that if you really want something than you should fight for it, but I'm so feed up and tried of fighting for the things I want and getting nothing. Then I look around at other people and they don't seem to have any problem getting the things that they want. I know you should never compare yourself to other people because everyone is different but at the moment that is what I am doing.

I guess I am the only person who can answer all of my problems and all I can do is keep fighting no matter how tired I am because this job along with other things are things that I really want and if I fail I will just have to pick myself up and keep going. I am after all an optimist not that you would know by the way I've been writing lately.

So cheerio for now people =)